blow me

IMG015_001.JPG
Originally uploaded by raquelydavid

A woman walks into an adult video store and says to the shop assistant "I want an inflatable doll."

The shop assistant says "I have two types. Christian Dolls and Muslim Dolls."

The girl asks "what is the difference?"

The shop assistant replies, "muslims blow themselves up."

Hi Speed Intern

Hi Speed Intern
Originally uploaded by charles_p_everitt.

desperate for a job, Monica Lewinsky decided to invest in signage

oh noooooooooo!

Oh Noes!
Originally uploaded by cmiper.

the last known photo of Mr. Bill before his sudden disappearance.. police have enlisted the help of Spot to locate him.. meanwhile Sluggo has been taken into custody

invisible cows

Beware Invisible Cows
Originally uploaded by butter in the sun.

Old man Billy Bob gets a loan from the bank to buy a high priced bull. A few days later, the banker comes along and asks, "How's our bull doing?"

Billy Bob says, "Our bull ain't doing too good. I got him out there in the pasture with a bunch of young cows and he don't want nothing to do with them." So the bank suggests he call a veterinarian.

A couple of days later, the banker comes along again and says, "How's our bull doing now?"

Billy Bob says, "Plenty darn good. He done serviced all of my cows, jumped the fence, and is working on the neighbors' cows."

The banker says, "Wow! What did the Vet give him?"

Billy Bob says, "He gave him some pills."

The banker says, "What kind of pills?"

Billy Bob says, "I don't know, but they tasted sort of like peppermint."

stranger than fiction

unbequem?
Originally uploaded by Roli Schoenholzer.

In the summer of 1993, Rob and Jason, worked in a Tarzan show at Silver Springs (an attraction in Florida). The show was near a "petting zoo" area which house goats, deer, and giraffes. The giraffes aways leaning over the fence to eat goodies that the tourists held-up for the giraffes to get. One day, Rob and Jason heard this screaming noise over in the petting area. Apparently, a man was walking away from the giraffes and he dropped something. When he bent over to retrieve it two things happened: 1) he exposed a portion of his backside (commonly called "plumber's butt") and 2) one of the giraffes decided this was some sort of food offering and bent down to lick it up. When the man felt the giraffe's long wet tongue sliding down his crack, he stood up and started screaming. This caused his cheeks to pinch the giraffe's tongue. This caused the giraffe to panic and it started screaming (sort of) also. Rob and Jason heard the noise and looked over to see the man standing with the giraffe's tongue coming out of the back of his pants. Several people rushed over and eventually freed both man and giraffe.

the best thing to ever come out of Arkansas is Interstate 40

might as well face it, you're addicted to love
Originally uploaded by Pharis Patenaude.

The minimum drinking age in Arkansas has been raised to 32. It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

yeah Brian!

san fran2 029
Originally uploaded by xtremepizan.

when are you gonna get rid of that beard?

special occasion

IMG_0678
Originally uploaded by dalai23.

Tereza felt that even though it wasn't Christmas or St. Patty's Day, tonight's dinner party was special enough to pull out the baby from the attic

lush life

DSC01427
Originally uploaded by hurwi.

despite her age, or perhaps because of it, Jill was fond of drinking straight out of the bottle and telling strangers she liked the taste of Jack on her tongue

appalachian hygiene

...and then a dragonfly landed on his nose!
Originally uploaded by zokah_921.

after seeing a National Geographic documentary on the relationship between sharks and cleaner fish, Buford was proud to show off his improvised method

living large

DSC_2542
Originally uploaded by gutbobs.

Elliot, the savvy marketing genius, retired at the ripe old age of 16 after trademarking his face and collecting royalties from Acme Novelties, Inc

operating under the influence

Doctor, doctor
Originally uploaded by Katertot.

A proctologist begins writing a prescription for a patient when he realizes he is holding a thermometer in his hand. "Oh great," he says. "Some asshole has my pen!"

separated at birth

Strange but true
Originally uploaded by bettyboop69.

wizards on wheels

Strange looking man on a strange looking bicycle
Originally uploaded by World of Oddy.

sure a bicycle was more eco-friendly but Gandalf swore he'd give his left nut for a wagon ride... in fact, after riding the last three days on the plastic seat, he wasn't sure he even had a left nut anymore

sleeping with the fishes

Ariella Goes Grocery Shopping
Originally uploaded by evansent.

having hated fishsticks her entire life, it made no sense to any one, including Kelly herself, as to why she suddenly felt the compulsion to fill her duvet with Van De Kamps

Jersey City Parking Authority

DSC_8651- Jerking Authority
Originally uploaded by dogseat.

that explains why I always felt like I was being jerked around when I visited New Jersey

don't forget these!

June Parties 120
Originally uploaded by Swing Chica.

tired of having her cleavage overlooked and realizing that all women felt that way, Susan discovered a huge market of Cleavage Attention waiting to be tapped. For a small fee, Susan (or one of her trained assistants) will evaluate and adjust the client's boobies to ensure the most attention possible. If necessary, temporary tattoos can be applied, in order to draw a man's eyes 'down there'

"honest officer.."

Overcompensating
Originally uploaded by lolowar.

Gerry is trying to talk his way out of being arrested for indecent exposure

(how's that for a bad pun?)

who says truckers aren't classy

Wife Wanted Bad.....
Originally uploaded by ajepst.

The left side says:
WIFE
(I DON'T CARE WHOSE)
WANTED
BAD
(ARE YOU BAD)
------
The right side says:
I HAD A WIFE ONCE
BUT HER
HUSBAND
CAME AND GOT HER

arrrgh!

IMG_0352
Originally uploaded by nuggaritaville04.

Q. Where is Captain Hook's treasure chest?
A. Under his treasure shirt.

Q. What did Captain Hook die of?
A. Jock itch

Q. How much do they charge pirates for piercings?
A. A buck an ear

Q. Where does Captain Hook keep his buccaneers?
A. Under his buck'n hat

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuck down his pants. So the bartender asks, "Is that a steering wheel in your pants?"
And the pirate answers, "Arrr! Tis true. It's driving me nuts!"

http://talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

on every corner

Really?!
Originally uploaded by Lewesrat.

it's comforting to know you don't have to go far to get your supply of Chicken Poop... and it's open 24/7!

presidential pisseur

Jimmy Carter took a piss here!
Originally uploaded by focajonathan.

while most ex-Presidents are commemorated with a presidential library, Jimmy Carter is immortalized in a more... human... way

Tori Spelling's half brother...

Suppositori b
Originally uploaded by Rayzure.

...or whatever you want to call a transexual, demonstrates his/her keen fashion sense.. argyle is going to be BIG this year! We're not so sure about mohawks, however.

always check your babysitter's references

yes, it's my brother...
Originally uploaded by allygirl520.

apparently there's only so much Spongebob Squarepants a grown man can take

how do you top that?

Rebecca in the Wind
Originally uploaded by elixabeth.

what do you do when the thing you wished for the most (in Becky's case, having an entire day to shop at her favorite store) finally comes true?

Hotel, Moron!

Hotel Moron
Originally uploaded by onenil v2.

do they need to spell it out for you, too?

freudian slip

IMG_3025
Originally uploaded by pentop.

and sometimes a cannon is just a cannon

...never sleeps

Apropos
Originally uploaded by *B.G. Lewandowski*.

I can see where this is headed

what a difference a year makes

Billy Bobs 12th Birthday at Hooters
Originally uploaded by steviebreech.

Last year Billy Bob Jr. begged to have a party at Chuck E. Cheese. Wanna bet that won't happen again? Notice how his eyes never seem to focus on the cake.

king of pop

Ben F
Originally uploaded by tonyromen.

having lost most of his fortune, Michael Jackson has been forced to sell his hair in order to pay for his cosmetic 'maintenance'

Chicken Farmer

Chicken Farmer
Originally uploaded by MemaNH.

I still love you

Best deal in town

Best deal in town
Originally uploaded by stvan4245.

yeah, but is it fresh?

told ya so

DSC03194.JPG
Originally uploaded by gregoryk.

you know when your mom tells you to stop making a face or it'll freeze that way? Ricky never listened to his mom

parlor games

_MG_0808
Originally uploaded by darkshapes.

Cathy's mother was popular at parties with her ability to levitate fruitbaskets above her head. But that all came to a tragic end the night she got really buzzed on Skoal and bet that she could do it with a Coleman camp stove.

deepest secret

DSC03646
Originally uploaded by larrytam.

it was the cathartic therapy session for Chang that ultimately made him embrace his penchance for dressing up as a little kitty and being petted by screaming Nike factory workers

Two men and

Two men and a Truck
Originally uploaded by mrtruffle.

and we really don't want to know anything more

no fee!

Been Laid
Originally uploaded by steviebreech.

Kenny, a 33 year old virgin, isn't the brightest guy on the block, but ignorance is bliss in some cases

wicked!

stilo con portascopa
Originally uploaded by zane.

even with the advancements made in modern transmissions, Elphaba still preferred to drive 'stick'

and a firm handshake

In Orange Bar
Originally uploaded by Egmel.

Unemployed for 3 years now, Danny still hasn't figured out that his story about killing a man with his bare hands isn't a good way to start out a job interview.

Must. Resist. Opening. Door.

Please let me enter!
Originally uploaded by Fabio Sabatini.

altho garlic and crucifixes are no defense against Whiskers, he cannot enter a house without being invited in